I'm DEAD!!

I'm seriously have no mood~
i have never feel like that long time..
really really don't know how to say..i just feel so SAD!!
I'm so tired since this morning..and I'm so exhausted too..
thought i can get a good sleep for tonight..
but something still bothering me..make me can't sleep~!!
i think there been many thing happening this week..

i think my distance between them will be very very far..
and sooner or later it will broke into two~
wish this sooner or later will happen after i die...
maybe sometime I'm too uncontrollable..
but this is the really me~i guess

Even, Dx say bit of unsatisfied~
i have nothing to speak out d..
really~

i have the faith which it is can not be change,
i will never have a forever friend that can help me release everything
a good listener with a quiet mouth which is short term memory like me~TT
i have this faith thingy since secondary started~
can 'YOU' go away from me, why can't 'YOU' just find other guys or girls
why 'You' choose me~!!can 'YOU' just leave me..
i feel my tears are going to come out~
why my short-term memory illness never wash away this memory

i can't change my faith..
so what i can do is..
become silent~keep everything in my heart
and pretend nothing going to happen..
continue cheerful like usual~
don't think too much~let it slowly pass away..

continue in my college disaster life..
tiring life~terrible life while waiting for my dead come~

lastly for this post~
sorry to everyone that if i have burst bit of my peevishness on you
-------------------------------------------

owh~ya
1more thing...
very very very sorry to most of my friend bout the
PC fair work..I'm sorry~i will find you guys when i receive new job~